Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
