I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
