Someone shit on the floor
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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