I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
