apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
