Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
