Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
