I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
