I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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