John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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