The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm bleeding and have questions
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
