Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
