I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
