Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
