Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
