Sry I called you an 8
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
