I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
