I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
