lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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