we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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