And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
