Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
