Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize