I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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