So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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