I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
