Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
