I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
