I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
