Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
