she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
