toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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