what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
