i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
