Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
