Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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