Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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