just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
