Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just cropdusted the office
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
