Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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