The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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