i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
