HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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