no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
