I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
