hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My ATM looks so different sober.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
