I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
