and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
