He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
