I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
