I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
