I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
