Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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