god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
