absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Quick, to the slutcave!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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