I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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