I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
