toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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