Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
