How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
