I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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