I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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