i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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