You just made me feel so damn special
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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