so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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