yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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