also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
