I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
