I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
