i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
