you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
