either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize