When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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