Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
