That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
