So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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