I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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